The foremost purveyors of the genre of music known as “Chap-hop” have allowed their personal differences to escalate into a full-blown turf war.
Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer, well known to readers of the Chap and always a favourite at our annual shindigs, has been issued a terse challenge by his arch-rival, Professor Elemental, in the form of a chap-hop video entitled Fighting Trousers. In this ditty, he accuses Mr. B of being essentially a weed in tweed with a “granddad’s moustache” and a banjolele – which qualities, of course, are the very ones that guarantee Mr. B’s appeal to Chaps. The Chap tracked down Professor Elemental to his lair in Brighthelmstone, and asked him to explain his sudden urge to cut Mr. B.
“I can’t walk down the street these days without being mistaken for Mr. B, or without folk asking if I am going to battle the cad. On the one hand, I appreciate that he may be more of a ‘chap’, but this is about rhyming skills – and I have those by the trunk (sic) load. That’s why in the video I took to the boxing ring, to show the filthy devil what’s what.”
Mr. B has yet to respond with a tit-for-tat “diss” video or a drive-by-shooting of the cuffs. He did, however, take a few moments off waxing his latest moustache to say to The Chap: “It’s all a frightful bore, really. I understand this chappie has something of a bee in his bonnet about me. It’s usually only the ladies who get like that. No room for two Gentleman Rhymers? Act like a gentleman then, sir! ”
How unnecessary it is for Mr. B to release a diss videogram is evident in Song For Acid Edward, a track from his new longplayer “I Say!”, which contains almost as many musical genre references as there are tie knots.