Calls for “Basher” Assad to Step Down

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Syrian President BasharSyrian President Bashar “Basher” al-Assad is facing growing calls from the international community to step down. According a mysterious local source known only as ‘Babu’, there is a general consensus of opinion that as-Assad should not be allowed to continue competing in the Movember moustache-growing competition, due to the puniness of his facial fuzz.

Delegates from the Middle-Eastern wing of Movember, commenting from nearby Jordan (they are not allowed to visit Syria, even to raise money for charity) have warned that “the vice is tightening” around Mr. Assad. They pointed out that thousands of men all over the world have produced far more impressive lip weasels in the first 19 days of November than the Syrian premier, who has in fact been growing his moustache for several years. Yet his effort could not even scrape into the category of “Toothbrush” moustache.

The aim of the Movember campaign is for chaps to grow a fresh moustache from November 1st, collect sponsorship funds to donate to male cancer charities throughout the month, then compare their finished tache with others at the end of November.

Michael “Atters” Attree, Whiskerade Editor for The Chap, was similarly underwhelmed by “Basher’s” smasher: “To repress democracy may be wrong, but to repress one’s own moustache is unforgivable. President al-Assad must stop sitting on the fence and grow a decent moustache worthy of the Arab nations, whose citizens are world-renowned moustache-growers. I would personally suggest a Napoleon III “Imperial” or even a “Fu Manchu”. If he really means business, he should grow mutton chop side whiskers too, and might then stand a much better chance of being democratically elected.”

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The Chap was founded in 1999 and is the longest-serving British magazine dedicated to the gentlemanly way of life, with its own quirky, satirical take on a style that has recently entered the mainstream.

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