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Last of the European Playboys Dies

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German playboy Gunter Sachs committed suicide at his chalet in Gstaad aged 78. He was a scion of the Opel motor dynasty, European bobsleigh champion 1958 and the third husband of Brigitte Bardot. Sachs first met Brigitte Bardot at San Tropez in 1966. She was drinking champagne with friends in a bar when she spotted the handsome German with striking blue eyes: “I thought he was magnificent,” she recalled. “I was hypnotised… he had the same Rolls as me! The same model, the same colour. In fact, the same everything!” The next day Sachs paid for a helicopter to fly…

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David Cameron to Wear Morning Dress

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Prime Minister David Cameron has caved in to royal protocol and announced that he will, after all, wear a morning suit to the Royal Wedding on 29th April. Mr. Cameron had initially expressed a bizarre desire to wear a lounge suit to the wedding, but this turned out to have been a drunken whim fuelled by too many pints of lager, which the Prime Minister is not used to drinking. Had Mr. Cameron been quaffing his usual tumbler of Pimm’s at lunchtime, he would not have hesitated to bespeak his tailor to fashion him a morning coat, morning trousers (in…

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Chap Hop Turns Slightly Nasty

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The foremost purveyors of the genre of music known as “Chap-hop” have allowed their personal differences to escalate into a full-blown turf war. Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer, well known to readers of the Chap and always a favourite at our annual shindigs, has been issued a terse challenge by his arch-rival, Professor Elemental, in the form of a chap-hop video entitled Fighting Trousers. In this ditty, he accuses Mr. B of being essentially a weed in tweed with a “granddad’s moustache” and a banjolele – which qualities, of course, are the very ones that guarantee Mr. B’s appeal to…

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Night of 1,000 Waistcoats

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The Bloomsbury Ballroom Bloomsbury Square London WC1B 4DA Saturday 4th December 2010 8pm-2am The Chap’s legendary “Night of a Thousand Waistcoats” returned for its second incarnation after last year’s tenth anniversary party. Moving the location to the much larger and grander Bloomsbury Ballroom, London’s only remaining original Art-deco ballroom, this year’s extravaganza set the precedent for an annual Chap Ball, each party striving to be even more spectacular than the last. Guests numbered around 800, dressed in their finest vintage threads, reflecting a broad dress code that went from 1890s decadence to 1940s spiv. The extremely louche host was Nickolas…

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Harris Tweed Turnaround

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Sales in Harris Tweed, one of Britain’s last remaining cottage industries, are soaring. This year, more than 630 thousand metres of tweed have been sold, compared with 450 thousand last year. Harris Tweed has had its brush with the doldrums in recent years but, despite the recession, the Hebridean island industry forecasts a healthy future, with output soaring, thus ensuring that a new generation of weavers can be trained, confident in their future. Lorna Macaulay, chief executive of the Harris Tweed Authority, said: “We have three mills producing tweed; they are selling to overseas markets and going to all the…

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Butler Agrees to Butle at Ball

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In a remarkable turn of events, The Chap has managed to procure the services of a genuine butler for the Second Grand Anarcho-Dandyist Ball on 4th December. This role is a crucial one, in terms of providing a discreet platform for guests at Chap events to flirt with other guest, without drawing undue attention to themselves, or being overheard making vulgar comments to ladies. For the “Chap Room” allows them to dictate a complimentary note to a secretary, in the privacy of the cocktail bar, while calm of mind, collected of thought and still in possession of their dignity. The…

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Cameron Shows Caddish Credentials

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Prime Minister David Cameron revealed a slightly darker side to his character recently, when he emerged from a Tory black-tie dinner at the Carlton Club. As soon as he was out of sight of the other guests, who included Ken Clarke, Iain Duncan-Smith and Theresa May, Mr. Cameron ducked into his chauffeur-driven car and immediately loosened his bow tie. In the style favoured by cads such as Terry-Thomas and Leslie Phillips, he left the undone bow tie draped over his collarbone. Mr. Cameron was then overheard saying to his driver, “Right, Hardeep, that’s enough quaffing and waffling for the evening.…

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Trumpers Survives Second Jermyn Street Blitz

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Ancient gentlemen’s grooming emporium Geo F Trumper’s Jermyn Street outlet has been temporarily moved to new premises, due to the proposed redevelopment of the Piccadilly end of Jermyn Street. Westminster City Council has endorsed the Crown Estate’s proposal for a 150,000 sq ft mixed use redevelopment scheme known as St. James’s Gateway. The proposal forms part of The Crown Estate’s recently announced investment programme to “raise standards across its significant St. James’s portfolio.” Pardon us for asking, but how could one possibly “raise standards” in one of the most quintessentially English streets in the country, and arguably the single most…

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Moustachioed Fish More Attractive to Lady Fish

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Until a recent study, scientists were unsure as to why male Mexican molly fish (Poecilia sphenops) sported an extravagant moustache-like structure on their upper lips. Close study of the fish’s sexual behaviour revealed that, much like in human gentlemanly circles, the females are drawn to the more luxuriantly moustachioed males. But, as recorded in Behavioral Ecology and Sociobiology journal, the molly’s tache has a more active sexual purpose, over and above the obvious aesthetic advantages of a sterling bit of face furniture: it is used to rub the female’s genitals and excite them into a frenzy of sexual activity. The…

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Death of a Dandy

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Sebastian Horsley’s body was found on the morning of Thursday 17th June at his flat in Soho, the cause of death being a suspected heroin overdose. Horsley had just witnessed the opening of a new play about his life at the Soho Theatre, which was set to be made into a film produced by his friend Stephen Fry. Sebastian will be greatly missed by The Chap – he provided the world with a much-needed dose of flamboyance, excess, colour and dandyism. His stance as an anti-fashion, anti-hero, anti-artist with absolutely no care for public opinion or political correctness made him…

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World Cup Squad Set Forth in Shiny Suits

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The England soccer team has been kitted out with smart new suits by Marks and Spencer. The official FA suit has been made to specifications set by England Manager Fabio Capello, who is Italian. Accordingly, the suit is a tad on the spivvy side, overly shiny and the trousers are rather tight around the crotch. Created in collaboration with bespoke tailor Timothy Everest, the suit is cut from 100% wool fabric in a black and white micro birdseye fabric from the Alfred Brown Mill in Leeds. The England suit has been described as “sculpted to a modern British block with…

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English Cricket Bat Industry Under EU Threat

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The English cricket bat industry is under threat following a European directive which prevents willow being exported outside Europe. Introduced in March this year, the EU law prohibits the use of the insecticide Methyl Bromide, with which the willow is treated before being exported to be turned into cricket bats. However, the wood cannot leave the country without a fumigation certificate and the industry’s main markets in India, Pakistan and Australia do not currently accept any alternative treatment for the wood apart from Methyl Bromide. Only four British companies export English willow to the rest of the world and suppliers…

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