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lip weasel

Lockdown Lip Weasel Competition

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Entries have now closed for our Lockdown Lip Weasel Competition, for which we received dozens and dozens of excellent attempts to cultivate a splendid moustache during Lockdown. The results will be published in Chap Summer 20, out on 18th May. It has come to our attention that many readers of this humble publication are, as well as struggling to square their gregarious, bon vivant personalities with self-isolation, have taken to using the aeons of time spent alone to cultivate interesting facial hair. Growing a moustache takes time, patience and a brief period of looking like a homeless person, and the…

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Debonair Moustache Wax

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Upon receiving an invitation to visit the famed Captain Fawcett factory of all things hirsute in Norfolk, my first concerns were sartorial. Would such a visit require the donning of white coats, plastic sunglasses and special safety equipment and, most importantly, would I be permitted to smoke my pipe? I buried these deep concerns for the 3-hour drive from Chap HQ, having secured a billet at the Dragonfly Hotel, situated a stone’s throw from Fawcett HQ in King’s Lynn. This was my first ever visit to the mediaeval city known for its prime role in the Hanseatic League of Ports…

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The Defiant Moustache

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In the tribal district of Khyber on the Pakistan/Afghan border, moustaches are frowned upon. This is putting it mildly. Lashkar-e-Islam, a militant group allied with the Taliban, regularly terrify bewhiskered men with threat of kidnapping or even death if they persist in cultivating a large lip weasel. Taliban rules on beards are very clear: a man’s beard must be long enough to be gripped in a fist. Moustaches, however, are expected to be ‘neatly-trimmed’, though sizes are less specific. One thing’s for certain though – any man with a moustache large enough to grip in a fist will be hunted…

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