“I don’t know whether you would consider any submissions from Germany,” writes Andreas Mandrysch, “but we are earnestly doing our best to keep up with the civilized countries.” Sir, your trouser cuffs fall short of their destination, namely the surface of your shoes. Your chum also displays garter, but he is wearing plus fours so should be. Is he German too? Probably not.
“I am writing to determine whether I am a chap or not,” writes Louis Newman. “I was told by a friend that I should most definitely send an email to your website. If you need to know what brands they are I can happily tell you.” No thanks.