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Croatia Promotes Anti-Chap Legislation

It is a sad day indeed when a chap cannot recline post-stroll on a weather-wood bench and strike up his loyal briar. So when Mr. Gaute Hauglid-Formo from Norway alerted Chap HQ to this provocative sign banning pipe smoking in a scenic park on the island of Sipan – just off the Dubrovnik coast of Croatia – we respectfully lowered our Union Jack to half-mast. According to Mr. Hauglid-Formo, the sign is one of dozens erected throughout the public garden prohibiting puffing, as part of Croatia’s 2008 smoking ban. Meanwhile, as part of this ‘public ban’, smoking is still permitted… Keep Reading

Syrian President Bashar

Calls for “Basher” Assad to Step Down

Syrian President Bashar “Basher” al-Assad is facing growing calls from the international community to step down. According a mysterious local source known only as ‘Babu’, there is a general consensus of opinion that as-Assad should not be allowed to continue competing in the Movember moustache-growing competition, due to the puniness of his facial fuzz. Delegates from the Middle-Eastern wing of Movember, commenting from nearby Jordan (they are not allowed to visit Syria, even to raise money for charity) have warned that “the vice is tightening” around Mr. Assad. They pointed out that thousands of men all over the world have… Keep Reading


Moustaches Become Good for your Health

Every November, normal men all over the world get the chance to take the first step towards Chapdom by cultivating a moustache for charity. The aim of the campaign is to raise funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men. From 1st November, men can register at with a clean-shaven face and then concentrate on growing the moustache of their choice. Each fellow’s supportive chums are asked to donate to the charity, while their erstwhile clean-shaven cohort leaves the world of naked upper lips and embarks on the joys of sub-nasal topiary.… Keep Reading

John Wayne

Dorset Hatter Crowns Cowboy Legend

A British wax sculptor working for an American waxwork museum on a waxwork of cowboy legend John Wayne was in need of the right kind of stetson for the deceased Hollywood actor’s formidable bonce. Mike Wade, world-renowned Bridport wax sculptor, contacted Roger Snook of Bridport Hatters to seek advice. Mr. Wade was trying to locate the exact hat worn by Mr. Wayne in the film ‘Hondo’. Mr. Snook advised him to contact various American hat manufacturers, for which he willingly supplied him with contact details. However, when searching for a Stetson Hat called ‘Boss of the Plains’, one American supplier… Keep Reading

Scotch Whisky

Chap’s drinks writer bottles own single malt

Neil Ridley, esteemed and, surprisingly, occasionally sober beverage editor for The Chap, has seized the opportunity to release his very first single cask Scotch Whisky, cutting out the middle man betwixt he and the tempting barrels of whisky in the Scottish Highlands. The bottling, labelled ‘Cask Strength And Carry On’, is a 1998 vintage single cask of whisky from the Isle Of Arran Distillery, which yielded just 92 bottles. It is bottled, according to Ridley, at ‘gentleman’s strength’ – which means it weighs in at a powerful yet debonair 49.9%. The bottling will be exclusively available from Master Of Malt,… Keep Reading


BBC Dresses Doctor in Chinese Tweed

The BBC has betrayed British industry by ordering replicas of the now-iconic Doctor Who costume from China instead of Scotland. The current Doctor, Matt Smith, made his debut in the children’s television programme wearing an authentic vintage 1960s Harris Tweed jacket. The pattern turned out to have been discontinued, and fans inundated the Harris Tweed Authority with requests to put Mackenzie “two by two” dogtooth back into production. They did, and dozens of reams of the pattern were sold. However, in more recent episodes, Mr. Smith wears neither his vintage original nor a jacket whose cloth has been woven anywhere… Keep Reading

Ian Faletto

Popular Stationmaster Sacked for Removing Trolley

An award-winning station master has been sacked for breaching health and safety rules, after removing a shopping trolley from the tracks to prevent it derailing a train. Ian Faletto has been a stationmaster for 27 years, during which time he has won several awards for customer service, including one for a Lifetime Achievement. Mr. Faletto, from Southampton, Hants, recounts the dreadful episode that led to his sacking: “I got to work on Sunday morning and noticed a shopping trolley had been thrown from the end of the platform onto the tracks. I knew the first train of the day was… Keep Reading

Gunter Sachs

Last of the European Playboys Dies

German playboy Gunter Sachs committed suicide at his chalet in Gstaad aged 78. He was a scion of the Opel motor dynasty, European bobsleigh champion 1958 and the third husband of Brigitte Bardot. Sachs first met Brigitte Bardot at San Tropez in 1966. She was drinking champagne with friends in a bar when she spotted the handsome German with striking blue eyes: “I thought he was magnificent,” she recalled. “I was hypnotised… he had the same Rolls as me! The same model, the same colour. In fact, the same everything!” The next day Sachs paid for a helicopter to fly… Keep Reading

David Cameron

David Cameron to Wear Morning Dress

Prime Minister David Cameron has caved in to royal protocol and announced that he will, after all, wear a morning suit to the Royal Wedding on 29th April. Mr. Cameron had initially expressed a bizarre desire to wear a lounge suit to the wedding, but this turned out to have been a drunken whim fuelled by too many pints of lager, which the Prime Minister is not used to drinking. Had Mr. Cameron been quaffing his usual tumbler of Pimm’s at lunchtime, he would not have hesitated to bespeak his tailor to fashion him a morning coat, morning trousers (in… Keep Reading

Mr. B

Chap Hop Turns Slightly Nasty

The foremost purveyors of the genre of music known as “Chap-hop” have allowed their personal differences to escalate into a full-blown turf war. Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer, well known to readers of the Chap and always a favourite at our annual shindigs, has been issued a terse challenge by his arch-rival, Professor Elemental, in the form of a chap-hop video entitled Fighting Trousers. In this ditty, he accuses Mr. B of being essentially a weed in tweed with a “granddad’s moustache” and a banjolele – which qualities, of course, are the very ones that guarantee Mr. B’s appeal to… Keep Reading

Mr B Gentleman Rhymer

Night of 1,000 Waistcoats

The Bloomsbury Ballroom Bloomsbury Square London WC1B 4DA Saturday 4th December 2010 8pm-2am The Chap’s legendary “Night of a Thousand Waistcoats” returned for its second incarnation after last year’s tenth anniversary party. Moving the location to the much larger and grander Bloomsbury Ballroom, London’s only remaining original Art-deco ballroom, this year’s extravaganza set the precedent for an annual Chap Ball, each party striving to be even more spectacular than the last. Guests numbered around 800, dressed in their finest vintage threads, reflecting a broad dress code that went from 1890s decadence to 1940s spiv. The extremely louche host was Nickolas… Keep Reading

Harris Tweed

Harris Tweed Turnaround

Sales in Harris Tweed, one of Britain’s last remaining cottage industries, are soaring. This year, more than 630 thousand metres of tweed have been sold, compared with 450 thousand last year. Harris Tweed has had its brush with the doldrums in recent years but, despite the recession, the Hebridean island industry forecasts a healthy future, with output soaring, thus ensuring that a new generation of weavers can be trained, confident in their future. Lorna Macaulay, chief executive of the Harris Tweed Authority, said: “We have three mills producing tweed; they are selling to overseas markets and going to all the… Keep Reading

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